Tristan is sleeping and I found myself wondering "What do I need to do right now? What, of the many many things on my list, should I do right now? Should I research planting, since I would like to have some veggies/herbs growing on my balcony? Should I study my receptive sign language by watching videos online? Should I clean my apartment? Should I organize something? Should I be clipping coupons off the internet to save money? Should I bake something for someone? Should I...should I...should I... because I feel like I need to...need to...need to... Why do we always feel like we always have to be doing something? Why do I feel like, since I am now a stay-at-home mommy that I can't take time during Tristan's nap and read a book? Why do I always feel like I am not getting anything done that I need to get done? During Tristan's morning nap, I usually tried to get a lot of things done then because I am most productive in the morning. But I realized that I often didn't do my Bible study because I was "too busy" doing other things. So, I decided that during his morning nap, I was to have my study, and if nothing else got accomplished that morning, that was ok. I figured that if I had my priorities straight in that area, everything else would fall into place.
Transition (poorly done, I know, but my thoughts aren't really organized right now -- I just felt the need to blog :)... I guess it is hard for me to prioritize everything right now when I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I am supposed to be a wife and a mommy. I know that and I am glad to have those roles. But before, I was supposed to be a missionary to the Deaf people in Asia. And now that I am not there doing that, I feel like I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, so I try to fill my days with everything I feel like I "should" be doing -- you know, all that "productive" stuff that makes our lives so mundane at times. Maybe my job right now is to be a wife that loves, respect, encourages, and uplifts her husband, and a mommy that teaches her (overly-active :) son about Christ and His love. But not only that -- my job is to be still and listen to God, to listen for what His will for my life is. I do know that He is calling me to be more of a devoted prayer warrior for my friends in Asia as they spread the Good News and to the people there that hear it. He is calling me to learn about His love and how to share it to those around me. He is calling me to learn about the need for missions. He is calling me to UNDERSTAND and KNOW HIM better. Ironically, I think I lacked in all those areas while overseas. It thought I did know it and understand it. I thought I was ready to do "great things" for Him overseas. But I wasn't even doing "great things" for Him here, because I didn't fully understand. I think now is the time for me to learn...and grow...and become the person God would have me to be.
I wasn't sure where I was going to go with this when I started it...and I don't even know if it flowed at all. Forgive me if it didn't. Just wanted to share a little of my heart today.
Honey, you got that from both your mother and dad!! Both of us have such a hard time just doing nothing when there is so many other things to do. But thanks for blogging about it, because it spoke to my heart about what I need to do more, too. You are so right, when we put God first, then everything else seems to fall into place so much better and we end up getting all those things done afterall that needed to be done. Some things don't need to be done TODAY, but it's hard for people like us to accept that. Good luck with your morning Bible study -- but don't be surprised if Satan will try to interfer with that -- maybe through shorter naps, but God knows and He'll take care of that, too. Love you. :}
ReplyDeleteI found it harder to prioritize my life when I no longer worked "outside" my home. I still find that it's best to have my quiet time in the morning as the rest of the day just seems to go smoother when I do. I agree with all that you said and hope you can find a comfortable "norm" for you in this new stage of life.
ReplyDeleteShawna, that was very thought-provoking...thank you as it's something I need to think about too. I agree with Debbie, when I worked, I kept much better organized in my daily routine, but boy, I love the flexibility of having more hours to get things done. So what you wrote gives me encouragement to set my schedule in a way that doesn't squeeze out my time in Bible study, exercise and reading. Those things take second place oftentimes to the "busy" stuff. Thanks for giving us something to chew on! Give Tristan a kiss for us!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Shawna! Why is it that we're more organized and manage our time better when we're working full time? You're also right about having that time with God first thing in the morning. Even if that's the only thing you get done, it's the most important thing, right? I struggle, too, with thinking that I always need to be doing something "productive". Meanwhile, my little girl is growing up before my eyes. I've really been trying lately to just take time to "play" with her and sit with her and talk to her. She's growing so fast!
ReplyDeleteI sure hope you're settle in quickly to life as a stay-at-home mom. Wish you were in Springdale, and we could do lots of fun things together! :) Love you guys!
Sometimes you just need to enjoy the "sweetness of doing nothing," but resting in the Father's arms. Mommies get tired...and need rest. Allow yourself permission to be refreshed by Him who desires to carry your burdens because he cares for you. I'll be remembering you!
ReplyDeleteNote: Yes...Eat, Pray, Love had a lot to be desired, but there is merit to the quote when used rightly.
Deep thinking for a stay-at-home mom, but proof of the reason Tristan is who he is--so much to learn and think about, so little time! You're right, first have QUIET time so the Lord can convice you He wants you to "Be still and know that I am God;I will be exalted among the nations (Asia), exalted in the earth". Your time overseas was your learning(like Tristan's doing)and WAS successful--you learned first-hand what the people there need, as well as what the missionaries need to get through a single day. You have the empathy and passion to pray specifically for the nation and our missionaries, and I believe that knowledge and compassion are exactly what God desires for His people here to possess in order to pray so that His perfect will can be accomplished & He is exalted. Your time as a missionary allowed Him to touch your heart in a way most of us will never understand, but I am convinced you are responding exactly as He intended. "Well done, good and faithful servant." I'm so proud of you, so thankful to have you as a daughter, and so thankful Nate & Tristan have you! Love, Trina
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