Fear

We all have something we fear. Some people fear flying, some people fear bugs, some people fear people! I have fears -- flying in small planes is one. But my greatest fear at this point in my life is something I didn't know you could fear. My fear is forgetting. Forgetting what I learned overseas, forgetting everything I saw and experienced, forgetting not to take anything for granted. I chuckle (not to be offensive) when people go on a week-long trip to some poor foreign country and they come back saying "I'll never take for granted anything again!" I mean, that's great, but after a few weeks or maybe even months, we start to forget that we experienced, what we saw. I lived in Asia, a poor part (not extreme poverty, just poor) for 17 months, never thinking I would forget, never thinking I would take anything for granted ever again, but sometimes I forget. In this western culture we live in, it is easy to forget.

I complain about a room being too hot or cold, and I have to remind myself that, while overseas, we didn't have an AC in the summer or a heater in the winter. At least here, I can just move rooms or adjust the AC/heater and be cool/warm again. I remind myself of the villages we heard about that lost so many people due to the extremely cold winter just two months before we arrived. At the newly-built university where we had Chinese classes, the rooms were concrete with cracked windows and doors. During the winter, we had on longjohns, three pairs of socks, coats, gloves, scarf, and hats in the classroom. So did all the other students. Luckily, we were able to leave after class and go back home where we could take a hot shower or plug up our space heater and get somewhat warm again. If the students wanted to take a hot shower, they had to go to another building before everyone else or the hot water would run out. The school wouldn't let them plug in ANYTHING in their rooms (due to electricity costs), so no space heaters of any kind.

I sometimes find myself wishing for a bigger house or just a house to call my own. We visited a school one time and looked at the teachers' housing. It was a concrete square cell. No bathroom (had to use the one outside facility where the students also used the bathroom), no kitchen, no AC/heater...just an old metal bunkbed. The windows were cracked, so it was freezing in the winter. And someone near my age, a new teacher just graduated, was working here because that is where she was "placed" -- it was not her choosing. Wow, another thing not to forget...freedom to choose where we want to work!

I complain about food, and I have to remind myself that I have so many choices here, and that if I don't like a certain meal, I'll get a better one later! At the deaf school we visited, for lunch, the students got the same meal everyday (rice and veggies) -- one bowl and nothing to drink. They were also forced to eat outside everyday (wind, rain, snow, it didn't matter) because someone had broken a chair in their "cafeteria" who knows how long ago. I also remind myself that our food is pretty clean and safe to eat, nothing that will make my husband drop 50 lbs again. I don't have to wash with bleach or soap every piece of vegetable or fruit I buy and I don't have to make sure every piece of food or utensil is completely dry of parasitic water. I remind myself of the joys of turning on the faucet and drinking tap water without fear of getting sick.

I don't want to forget, but living in America where we have grown up with so much more than we ever needed, it is so easy to forget. I have to remember my blessings daily:

- a house that is provided for us during this time
- the ability to be warm and cool
- being able to eat food and drink water without getting sick
- having family nearby and not counting down the months (or year!) to see them again
- having the freedom to choose our jobs, where we want to worship, where we want to live
- the freedom TO worship -- where we lived doesn't even compare to other countries where they have no freedom whatsoever in worship

I could go on and on, but my precious child is trying to wake up. If you actually read all of this, I'm impressed. I wrote it more for me than for you. I need to remind myself often of my blessings. I hope you do too.